A good friend of mine posted on Facebook last week and reminded me that sometimes things aren’t your fault. Sometimes, people are so wrapped up in their own problems/joys/lives that they simply don’t think about you. And that’s okay, but it’s still hard to keep it from hurting sometimes. I tend to internalize everything. If people don’t call, text or visit…I feel like they must not care, and that’s not always the case.
Things have been really rough since Ryan went back to work. He burned through all of the vacation that he’d been saving since we’d started trying to conceive just so he could spend 6 weeks with us after the babies were born. And Thank GOD he did! Since then he’s worked until a minimum of 6:30 pm every night…often later and missed out on so much with me and the kids. (No, there’s no particular reason…just new requirements for his platoon). I’m alone, as a new mom, with twins, for 14 hours a day (minimum). He leaves by 5-530 every morning and isn’t back until at least 7pm due to work and the INSANE Savannah traffic. Plus, I also work from home 20 hours a week. I love these sweet babies more than life itself, but it can be so hard to feel so lonely. I feel like i’m not enough for them by myself because neither get me all to themselves…ever. That’s a lot for a newborn to handle! By the time Ryan gets home, I have to have dinner made so that we have time to eat it and get the kids sleeping at a decent time. I’m trying very hard to establish a schedule. 🙂 To make matters worse, thanks to the Army life, he’s leaving for training for several months very soon after Christmas. YAY! We’re still trying to find a way for us to be with him…if possible.
Yes, I know that our children are our responsibility. But everyone always says: “It takes a village”. Apparently i’m a village of 1 1/2 when Ryan is able! Haha It’s hard when we don’t have any friends or family to help. My sister, who also has twins, gave me the advice to ask visitors to come once Ryan went back to work. She said she had scattered help and it made a world of a difference because the first few months are so hard. That didn’t work. 😦 It’s so hard to not feel so lonely and forgotten. I had visions of people being so excited and visiting lots once the babies were born, but I think people get so wrapped up in their own lives that it’s not exciting once the babies aren’t “new” anymore.
This isn’t meant to be a bashing of anyone, just getting my feelings out. It’s okay that people have their own joys, their own families, and their own struggles. Heck, we all get wrapped up in our own lives. I know that as much as I always try to be there for everyone else, it hasn’t been as easy now that I have two newborns. Sometimes you just hope that when it’s your turn and you really need people to care that they’ll return the favor. I hate it for our babies. They’re the most amazing and precious gifts EVER and i’m sad that it seems that more people don’t want to be a part of their lives.
Thankfully when Ryan does get home or is around on the weekends, he’s the most amazing husband and Daddy. He tries so hard to give me breaks and let me take baths or helps with Yawkey and the cooking/cleaning (or takes the babies so I can do all of that). I seriously don’t know what i’d do without that man! I just oh so wish he could be with us more. I know it wears on him to be away from us so much and stuck in such a time consuming job.
As my friend said, I have to remind myself that it’s not always because of us or that people don’t seem to care…often times they do…it’s just that they have so much in their own lives that they forget to notice. I’m going to keep on trucking and praying that God will carry my little family through to easier days. I’m going to do my best with what we’ve been given and snuggle my quickly growing babies a little tighter today and show them as much love as I can possibly show them. I have my perfect little family and we have each other…and that’s enough! And i’m going to lean on my Heavenly Daddy for the strength that I need to carry us through. I’m going to try to be “Army Strong” even when I don’t feel it.