I never truly understood how opinionated people can be about your life until we got pregnant and had kids. I mean, from family and friends to even perfect strangers on the street! Of course we saw it a little with the infertility and inappropriate comments that were made. You wouldn’t believe what we heard…and 90% of the time from people who had NO idea what they were talking about. (Did you know that if you stand on your head while drinking kool-aid and burning incense and you never EVER stress then ALL of your fertility problems will magically disappear like your neighbor’s brother’s friend’s cousin twice removed?) The “mom shaming” nowadays is out of control! It seems that no matter what you do, people think you’re totally doing it wrong.
Ryan will tell you that i’m an OBSESSIVE researcher. When we PCS or or look at career/school changes, and especially with infertility/pregnancy and the babies I have to read everything there is to know! Of course, i’m not the expert on any of these subjects, and babies don’t always fit the mold from books (shocker!) but I fully believe that “Knowledge is power” so we take what I read and we made informed and educated decisions based on that information.
“Words of affirmation” has always been my primary love language. I’m lifted up and truly feel like someone cares when they speak positively about me or those that I love. On the flip side, this can be dangerous for someone like me to deal with the judgments and negativity that seems like is everywhere in this world. I constantly internalize most of it and it’s often made me second guess my decisions. It’s been a learning process to not let other’s negative opinions and comments affect me.
That’s where the Mama Bear Melissa comes in to play. Everyone has an opinion on what we’re doing wrong: You shouldn’t vaccinate, or you need to let them CIO, or you need to stop breastfeeding and give them formula. Enter Mama Bear! For the first time in my life I feel such an intense need to protect our perfectly innocent babies from the world and I have the faith that the decisions that Ryan and I have made are appropriate for our family that I don’t much care for what others think of us. I don’t need to change my mind because someone doesn’t agree or questions our motives behind our decisions. There were only 2 people that created these babies (okay, minus the medical team’s assistance!) and we’re the only 2 that get the vote. I’ve had my doubts as a mom, as i’m sure we all do at one point or another, but deep down I feel that i’m truly doing the best that I can and I pray that L & E will see this as they grow.
We never really had the support that we desired when going through anything that we’ve faced (good or bad) so it’s crazy to me when people show up when the cute, cuddly, attention getting babies arrive. Don’t get me wrong, it hurt us a lot when people weren’t more involved when we were broken-hearted that we couldn’t conceive, or when I had problems or scares with the pregnancy, and especially after they were born… We still have “close” friends and family that have not met our babies or who haven’t gotten to know how wonderfully amazing they are! But it always seems that people don’t want to be present in your pain, but want to reap the benefits afterward. I just always pray that any person entering my children’s lives has pure motives and won’t hurt my children later by walking back out. My latest fear is the internet. After seeing a few friends with crazy instances of their kids’ pictures being exploited, it’s so hard to be okay with social media. I’m constantly torn between wanting to share in our joys and for our long distance family in Maine to see our babies and wanting to run screaming from the internet! I know that we’ll still make mistakes along the way, I mean we’re not perfect after all. However, we’re doing our best in the best way we know how to protect our family!
Fierce Mama Bear Melissa ❤